Experience the luxury of London 's top hotels by putting a small refrigerator by your bed and burning 20 quid every time you open it.

Save money on after hours drinking:  Come 11pm but a Tesco bag on your head and breath deeply and spin around until you feel disoriented/ fall unconscious then (smokers only) scoff the contents of the nearest ashtray.

Always back a horse with a big head - in case of a photo-finish

Don't waste money buying a doorbell - simply rush to the door every 30 seconds to see if there is someone there.

To spare the expense of highly priced binoculars, simply stand closer to the o bj ect you wish to study

Don't waste time cleaning your shoes. Smear them with polish and then use the brushes at the sides of escalators to buff them up to a good shine.

Save money on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower.

Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next fag from the butt of your last one.

Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your loft.

X-Files fans. Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously 'erased

Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.

Motorists. Enjoy the freedom of cycling by removing your windscreen, sticking half a melon skin on you head, then jumping red lights and driving the wrong way up one way streets.

Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin in a bowl of iron fillings.

Convince neighbours that you have invented a 'SHRINKING' device by ruffling your hair, wearing a white laboratory coats and parking a JCB digger outside your house for a few days. Then dim and flicker the lights in your house during the night and replace the JCB unseen, with a Tonka toy of the same description. Watch their faces in the morning!

Have all your dumps at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.

A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from going back to sleep.

Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always circle the stain in permanent pen so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.

Give comics that 'Pulp Fiction' feel by reading the last frames of cartoons first, then reading the rest in a random order.

High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.

Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic.

A next-door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.

Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.

Make bath times as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside by pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt and a dog turd into the bath.

Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your own home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.